Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder's Journal|
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Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder's LiveJournal:
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|Monday, April 28th, 2008|
I am a graduate student studying the effects of benzodiazepine drugs. Benzodiazepines are also known as the minor tranquilizers. Valium, Clonapin, Ativan, Xanax etc. are some of the most common. If you, or someone you know well, have used, or are using these drugs, please fill out the survey that applies. If you know anyone in either of these categories (user, or know someone who is a user) please encourage them to take the survey as well. Your participation is voluntary, fully confidential, and greatly appreciated.
For those who are using or have used benzodiazepines, please complete this survey:
For those who know someone who has used or is currently using benzodiazapines, please complete this survey:
|Saturday, April 19th, 2008|
My name is Jordan and I have severe OCD. I'm rather glad I joined this community because I always have felt that I am the only one with this disorder. I have a major fear of germs (for example, I have to wipe my seat with a disinfectant wipe before I sit down) and I must have things in order. I'm also a constant ritualizer. I'm 16 and have had this disorder for a long time.
|Wednesday, October 11th, 2006|
I just found this joural and thought it would be nice for once to be able to talk to people about my OCD without getting looked at as though I have five heads.
So, my main points of trouble are numbers, obtrusive thoughts, germ transfer (especially human germs), sequences, and meticulous organization. I was diagnosed in January of this year, and have been taking Zoloft as a treatment for my OCD (and also for depression) since that time.
One of the hardest things for me in dealing with OCD has been the reaction I get from other people in reference to my behavior. People seem to think that OCd is not real, and that we are just picky people who need to accept things as they are.
I'll always remember being in grade school, and having my friends put errant dots on my papers. I would have to start over, no matter how much I had already filled up the page. To others, it was funny. But to me, it was something I could not live with-those dots.
By now, most of my friends are more understanding. Sometimes I have to ask them to do something silly for me, like pluck a stray hair from their shirt-but they will do it for me, because they're pretty good people.
My OCD has caused me problems in school and at home, where I have to be in control of things that are not mine. I know this is raitonally not right, but we all know how hard it is to ignore the voice telling you that something must be perfect, or cleaner, or in a neat row.
Anywho, I look forward to meeting interesting people here...Salutations to all.
|Friday, May 5th, 2006|
Only join this community if you KNOW you have OCD. Don't join just to ask questions concerning if you have OCD or not. This community is for people who have OCD and ACCEPT it, not for people to cry and whine about how it ruins your life. Do you have any funny stories to tell about your dealings with OCD? They are welcome here. You don't have to be 18 to join, but please be mature. If you're looking for people to snark, don't look here. All entries will be locked and if I catch any snarking, you will be banned. What happens here, stays here. Save the drama for your mama! Debates are welcome here but don't get personal!
|Sunday, April 23rd, 2006|
Is this an OCD thing?
Hey everyone, I got a question. My emotional patterns can seem weird at time, particularly with anger. For example, I am trying to figure out a discrepancy in my checking account right now, and that difference is about $25. While we were at the laundromat today, my companion/kinda boyfriend was trying to help me figure out the difference, and I was having trouble understanding his explanation. I was being openly riled up.....stupid, since we were in a public place. And it's easy to say that I was handling it in a stupid way. But I couldn't help it.
I have been in and out of therapy. Maybe I should go back in to counseling, and I've also thought about the idea of medication. If I do go back to therapy, how should I approach the subject?
I'm sick of these wacko patterns, but I can hardly bring myself to pursue taking medication. I don't know why I am struggling to motivate myself. All I know is that I'm having a hard time with things, and I can't help myself by acting lazy.
~~Sally Current Mood: frustrated
|Monday, December 12th, 2005|
My name's Louise, I'm 15 and I have OCD
I'm a checker
Well there's my very brief introduction, I'll be back now and then, cos it looks like this community kind of died...
|Sunday, November 27th, 2005|
Hi I'm new my name is Anna-Kate
I just came across this community earlier today, I didn't realize there was such a community in Lj. I read through some of the posts and wow what a relief it is to read about people who know what I'm dealing with.
I was diagnosed with OCD after almost being expelled from school for some of my
compulsive behaviors. And thank god for that diagnosis, it has brought a world of good to me. I'm a checker, and the thing I have to check most often is people. I check to see if they are where they are supposed to be, I call my mom daily (before meds I would call her many times a day) I check my house-mate on my lunch break to see if she is at work, and I check my teachers in their offices. I have to do this because I feel that if I don't check then no one will be there to help them if something bad has happened. I'll get it stuck in my head that a teacher might be getting raped or killed, and I have to go to their office to see that they are ok because if they aren't then it will be my fault for not checking. I always fear people being raped or hurt or dying and it being my fault. About a year ago I was checking one of my teachers and she apparently started to feel stalked, now I am 100% honest when I tell you that I in no way meant to stalk the woman, but I needed to make sure she was ok. She made a complaint that I was coming to her office too much and what-not. So I had to go for a psych-evaluation. I was about 5 minutes with the general psychologist when they sent me to the specialized OCD clinic. Things have gotten better since then, teachers are informed of my condition and need for checking, and my meds help me keep the checking at bay.
I still get really upset sometimes and want to check people, but a lot of the time I can fight the urge.
Now I guess the next thing I need to work on is picking at and biting my fingers. If anyone has some helpful tips for stopping the knuckle biting that would be great, nothing I do seems to work (I tried wearing gloves, I take them off and start biting without even noticing)
|Monday, June 27th, 2005|
Hi people!! I'm new here! I am 23, and was diagnosed at age 21. My name is Sally. My obsessions and compulsions are mainly cognitve, but I will sometimes avoid trigger situations or words.
I am glad I found this community, it seems like a great source of support. Current Mood: drunk
|Tuesday, June 21st, 2005|
Why Hello There!
hi everyone. i've had ocd for a while, since i was little. it seems like it gets bad every couple of years, and the time has come. aww man i feel like i am going crazy, and that is really driving me nuts. before it was just ocd. like i would wash my hands over and over or do things in even numbers. stuff like that. but now, i don't know, it's like the ocd has fused with paranoia and anxiety to form some kind of super-disorder. i constantly worry about things i don't really have any reason to worry about and it seems to just be getting worse. the stuff i worry about is pretty irrational and even though a part of me realizes that and knows that what i worry about probably can't happen, i can't help it. i don't like being around a lot of people. they just freak me out. like in wal-mart. i hate wal-mart. there's always so many people there. and i'm constantly worrying about other people. i don't know if that has anything to do with any of this, but i guess it's worth mentioning. i guess i just need to talk about all this stuff. no one understands. it sucks. my boyfriend tries to help me but i can tell it frustrates and hurts him that he can't understand it. i don't understand it myself. yeah, so... hello. :) Current Mood: drained
Hi everyone, so glad to find this type of LJ community.
I'm Alex, i'm 19 and have had severe OCD ever since I was 6 years old.
I've read just about every book you can possibly imagine. I'm the walking/talking encylopedia for OCD. I could do a project and ace it no problem.
I have intrusive/unwanted/foreign thoughts, anxiety attacks, depression, i'm a HUGE perfectionist and I write alot, i've used up so many notebooks and index cards it would make your head spin. There were times where the pain was so intense and relentless I would cry and become absolutely mentally, emotionally and physically drained. It was like there was a VCR in my brain and I kept hitting the rewind button involuntarily by accident. It is senseless.
I'm currently on Prozac and it seems to balance everything out ok. My symptoms have decreased over the past few months and my brain has finally come unstuck and quieted down a bit. My attacks are few and far between, my last one was in March. The one before that I can't even recall.
Comment if you want. :-)
Oh and, it's true what they say, if you don't have this disease, you will never ever know what it's like. Ever.
|Monday, March 21st, 2005|
Xanax for OCD,
Hello everyone, and I hope someone can help me!!! Does anyone take Xanax for OCD? I take Anafranil now, and it helps, but I still have many symptoms like counting, checking, intrusive thoughts, repeating things, rituals, special numbers. I have read that when Xanax is added to an antidepressant it can really help many of the OCD symptoms, especially intrusive thoughts. I probably have social anxiety, because Im really anxious when Im in public. I think everyone is watching me, and I have to be perfect. The anxiety makes the OCD worse, and the more I try to control the OCD, the more anxious I get (I hope somebody understands what Im talking about).
Anyway, Is anyone taking Xanax out there? Does it help? how does it make you feel? Do you have more control over OCD? Does it really help with the anxiety associated with OCD, and social anxiety? I would love to hear from anyone who takes Xanax. Please write and tell me about how Xanax works (or don't work) for you. Thanks!
|Tuesday, March 15th, 2005|
Im new here, and yes I have OCD. I have suffered from OCD just about all of my life. It sucks, but I have to make the best of it. I have just about all of the classic OCD symptoms counting, checking, special numbers, rituals, intrusive thoughts, religious type thoughts (really strange ones)and just about any others you can think of. Talking really helps me, so if you read this please e-mail me with your story. I'll answer back (really). Check out my profile, and if anything there interests you then let me know. Im very open about my OCD, so feel free to ask me anything. You can ask me just about anything, and I'll give you my opinion Ha! Well, gotta go. Hope somebody e-mails me soon!!! Good luck to all!!! Current Mood: crazy
|Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005|
wow, a whole community of people just like me!~ My name is Hope and I am a 21 year old female from Baltimore, MD. I have had OCD since I was a child .. as far back as I can remember. I never was diognosed with the disease until my 21st birthday so I suffered practically half of my life. I guess I waited so long because my mom never really understood that I had a problem, she just thought I was a clean freak about my hands. It didn't get out of control until August of this last year. My ocd is based on the handwashing. I used to wash my hands every 5 minutes!~ It usually gets worse in the winter and better in the summer but this winter it got totally out of hand. I had a baby in August and after she was born I went crazy. Not only did I obsess about myself, I obsessed about her too so my life was hell. I started washing my hand every 5 mintues up to my elbows!~ My hands and arms up the the elbows were severly dry and cracked. I looked like I had a severe rash. My family did not understand so they couldn't do anything except worry. Everyone yelled at me all the time because of how my hands looked but I couldn't stop. It would make me mad that they couldn't understand that if I could stop, then I would, but I can't. I started to wash my sheets and blankets every single day. I took 2 showers a day and bathed my daughter one to two times a day. I was living on my own and I would leave the baby crying in my room to run and wash my hands before I could touch her. I cried every day. I woke up at 6 in the morning after a sleepness night because I couldn't keep my mind free and clear. So in December of last year, I couldn't take it anymore...I called my mom up and I cried my eyes out to her and told her that I needed help because the medicine (40 mg of prozac) a day wasn't working and I couldn't live like this anymore. I called my older sister and she took me to the hospital. I was admitted into the psych ward for 2 weeks. There, they helped me find the right medication to help me and one day I only washed my hands twice!~ LoL they locked my bathroom door and I had to ask to go when I had to. They put me on 80 mg of prozac a day, 25 mg of anafranil, and a whopping 10 mg of zyprexa. The zyprexa was a big mistake, I don't know why they even put me on that. I had to stop taking it because of the side effects. I was gaining so much weight and I know that can lead to diabetes, so I got put on Risperdal for a month to help me with the withdrawl from zyprexa. I had the shakes and I was really depressed. Well about 2 weeks ago I told my doctor that I was ready to stop taking the Risperdal. He was against me stopping the medication and wanted to up the dose to help with my nerves but I don't want to be on it anymore. The past two weeks have been difficult...I have the shakes alot. I am doing better now though but I have been noticing alot more obsessions. My doctor told me that I might still have the obsessions but the compulsions wouldn't be so strong. I hate that. It really makes me feel that I am going to be crazy forever and it's hard to look forward to a life of pain. Thank God for my little girl <3 The prozac and the anafranil really help alot with the compulsions but the obsessions still frustrate me. I don't wash my hands up to my elbows anymore but I still wash them more than the average person and I believe that I always will. If you actually made it this far, thanks for taking the time out to read my story. It will be nice to actually talk to other people that understand what I am going through. I honestly believe that no one can understand us unless they have ocd. Current Mood: dorky
|Friday, December 3rd, 2004|
I was thinking the other day about bracelets that some people have to show they have a certain illness, such as people with Eating Disorders and I thought to myself, there isnt anything for OCD is there? So I wanted to start something so that we can let each other know we are there, after all I know a lot of us know only too well how lonely and different this problem can make us feel.
As the title may just suggest..badges, i can make them, i was thinking of a plain white badge with a blue waterdroplet on it, this way it can symbolise partly the washing (which is one of the most common symptons) and also a tear drop symbolising the pain OCD can cause us.
i chose a tear drop because most other options are likely to have a negative effect on some OCD affected people, for example if there were numbers or patterns.
Let me know what you think as soon as possible?
Radio program about OCD
Tuesday 7 December 9pm Radio 4, 92-95 fm 'All in the Mind' - Raj Persuad will be talking to Prof. Paul Salkovskis about OCD. This show is repeated Wednesday 8 December at 4 30pm and there is a LIVE WEBCHAT with Raj and Paul at 5pm for one hour. If you want to participate go to
|Tuesday, October 5th, 2004|
Invite to a new Anxiety-Panic Yahoo Group just opening
Hello, I would like to invite all members and moderators, to join our newly created (OCT 3, 04) Health and Family Care yahoo Group.
Health and Family Care Yahoo, is an Anxiety, Panic, Phobia, all forms of Depression and OCD, Bipolar Disorder support Group.
Members will be able to post, interact and support each other in a family style setting. Membership is open to anyone in need or Shares in the desire to help others overcome this terrible disorder.
Visitors to this group will be able to find a link to the Health and Family Care Web site that is the parent site of this group, to find news and self-help information and much more to come. You will also find our original and active message board that this group will be replacing. You are welcome to post on both boards at anytime.
If you have, any questions please feel free to e-mail at anytime.
Health and Family Care Moderator
United States, Philippines
Health and Family Care Website http://www14.brinkster.com/msmallwood/mainpage.asp Current Mood: relaxed
|Thursday, August 26th, 2004|
I am new to this community. I have had OCD for as long as I can remember. My mother has it as well. My OCD has changed from a constant checker, to a constant hand washer that is obsessed with possibly getting a disease (hypochondria). I am a mother of a soon to be 8 month old. Is anyone else a parent suffering with OCD?
|Thursday, August 19th, 2004|
Hey im new. I dont really know if this is what someone would consider OCD but thats what im here, to see if it is or if im just odd.
So yeah, I have a problem with i guess balance. If i rub one hand (or arm/leg/whatever body part) a certain way, i have to do it to the other as well or it just doesnt feel right. I also do this weird thing with my fingers, its kind of hard to explain but its like I rub the sides of my finger nails with my thumb nail and I have to do it to all 10 fingers and I get all anxious to get it done but I cant just stop until all 10 fingers have had it done. (actually i was just doing it while trying to type that..)
And like "hmmmnotsure" posted back in Sept:"i'm always afraid that i made something up in my head that didn't actually happen. so i'm afraid i will start talking about soemthing that didn't happen, or go to something that isn't happeneing or is at a different time. i have to constantly check party invitations until i get to thedoor because i'm so afraid i made a mistake about the day. or i get afraid that someone set me up and said i was supposed to be somewhere that i wasn't and then people will laugh at me because it was all a joke."
I get that way as well. I feel that i need to double check everything and make sure its like the right date for something like someones birthday or something. Its really weird and annoying but maybe thats just insecurites? i dont know.
Could any of that be OCD at all? Current Mood: curious
|Monday, July 26th, 2004|
my life with OCD
Hi everyone, i just joined and wanted to share my experience of OCD, sorry if im clogging up your screens, i dont know how to do cuts on here (weeps).
Don’t ask me when it started, I couldn’t tell you if I wanted. Back then they were called "The Patterns" and I followed them, no questions asked, the rules were simple, be symetrical, don’t be unbalanced, what is done with the left hand/foot must be done with the right hand/foot. Around age 10 I came to the conclusion that things had become stupid and these patterns that were now affecting the way I walked, ate, lived my life had to stop.
It took me a long time to fight them off, they had become part of every day life, ingrained in every action but I managed, I concentrated on losing them and nothing else.
But of course they never went away totally and sometimes they came back, I stopped them before they could take ahold of me.
I also used to get the images in my head, they would pop in at any time, they were never nice, always horrible, they felt so real I used to think they had happened sometimes. Like the time I saw my arm being run under a sewing machine, it felt so real I had to look at my arm, I expected to see huge holes and blood everywhere but there wasn’t. These have faded now, sometimes they still pay my visits but they arent as bad as they used to be.
I also go through phases of handwashing, i will have an episode, lasting a few days at most where i will wash my hands maybe 10-20 times a day but as i have learnt with all aspects of my OCD, nothing i do is ever enough. I am currently going through one of these episodes, yesterday i washed my hands 22 times. My illnesses make me feel very unclean, this probably wont make much sense without me saying what my other mental illnesses are. Sometimes i want to tear the skin off my hands, thinking that they will be clean without any skin, i tear at my hands, scratching and biting.
The compulsions came back for good maybe eight months or a year ago, you don’t notice it at first and when you do its only the small things so you think, "im concentrating on so much else at the moment I don’t have time to stop a few stupid little things like that". That was a big mistake. Those small, stupid things grew and grew until I reached the point I am at now. I don’t like leaving the house because walking down the street is practically traumatic, it’s not only cracks in the pavement that are a problem, it is the shape, size, colour and if there is even one piece of chewing gum or a leaf on the paving stone. Everything I do is symmetrical, everything is done in an even number, the best number is four, the worst is fourteen. When I say everything I mean everything, chewing, brushing my hair, I have a special way of brushing my teeth, blinking, licking my lips, walking, clapping, every action. They are so strong now I cannot sit without it feeling wrong, they are all I think of every minute of every day.
I went to the doctor about 7 months ago, mainly because of my depression but I also told her about the OCD, how it was getting stronger. 7 months down the line I have just been put on Setraline, a form of anti-depressant used on people with OCD. I am also due to start therapy next week for my other mental health issues. I hope that I can beat OCD, it has taken over my life and I can no longer cope with it.
|Monday, July 19th, 2004|
I have developed a new "quirk" I guess you could call it within the past few weeks...
I developed this sudden fear of the dark, and now when I go to sleep, I have to turn off my computer, keep the speakers on, put on socks, brush my teeth until I can't taset food in my mouth, pee, get in bed with my cell phone on the charger and my AC on, have my whole body under the covers (except for my head), not have to go to the bathroom AT ALL, and then I can fall asleep. I keep checking the other side of my bed to make sure nothing scary is there. Even thought I know my door is shut and nothing could get in, I still HAVE to check. I keep checking until I'm too tired to even lift ym head. I also can't sleep facing the side of my room where I have to check. It's always ::roll over::, ::check::, ::roll back over:: If I get really scared, I have to turn the light on, pee (even if I don't have to that bad, and this is complicated because I have to light up every dark corner on the way to the bathroom, which means turning on a bunch of lights and waking everyone up), get back in bed, check, then turn out the light.
The insides of my mouth are raw from where I constantly chew at them, and my fingers hurt from the constant biting. Current Mood: pensive